Excoriation. No, not THAT Excoriation. THIS Excoriation. A brutal death metal band from Moscow, Russia. I got their self-titled 2014 CD after hearing a sampler promo from the New Standard Elite label.

I want to express right now just exactly how important it is for a label to put out a proper sampler on CD for people like me who would otherwise never delve into their end of the music pool. I’m primarily into old metal. Black Metal. Old school Death Metal. I saw no reason to get into new Death Metal bands until I got that sampler. Another sampler that blew my mind much like this one was the 1997 Repulse Records sampler – what a good CD that was. An introduction to many killer bands. Which is exactly what the NSE Compilation Sampler is: An introduction to many killer bands.

Anyway, on to the review – song by song:

Orgasmic Scaphism – PING PING PING PING PING PING! Okay. This is my kinda shit. Ping snare taken to the wildest levels. While not as powerful as the ping of Ecchymosis – Polwach of Ecchymosis being the absolute king and ruler, the ultimate evil mastermind of ping snare sound – it’s still quite powerful on its own.

The guitars chug away relentlessly but you aren’t going to even give a shit about that. You will only hear the ping power crushing you. It’s the most beautiful sound in modern metal today. Gone are the stupid sounds of bands like Five Finger Death Punch, Ghost, or whatever people call metal today. Mainstream fucking pop trash. I don’t know what’s popular – I pulled those two bands out of my ass, but they’re probably still popular so who cares. Excoriation is music that instantly kills any notion of those kinds of bands being able to exist within a genre called “heavy metal” and they become pop bands. This vocal is almost as crazy as the drums. A proper pig sound, or maybe a mutated bear trying to talk. Not that stupid thing that passes as a pig squeal in Nickelodeon Kids Choice Metal such as Whatever I Do Romance Parade or whatever the band name is. I mean a real animal noise. Who is this fucking guy? He’s crazy! It’s a man called only by the name Cyril. He is insane.

Infected Interior – The guitar of Ivan immediately syncs like a machine with the pummeling ping of Dobro. Apparently they’ve changed lineups by the time of this writing. I wonder if the new guys can play this stuff as perfect. Does the new drummer ping this much?

As I’ve stated before, ping is the new standard of…wait. Wait a minute here. Fuck. Now I get it. New standard. “New Standard Elite.”

The entire label. The entire fucking record label is named for the ping. That’s how much power is in pinging. At 1:55 you get the best breakdown ever heard in the history of heavy metal…no…the entire history of all art.

Cyril’s still going insane on the vocals and this is just Pingy Galore right here. This is the song I would play if anyone wanted to hear exactly where I think Heavy Metal as a genre should be at this point in time. Moving on…

Art of Torture – Boom boom PINGPINGPINGPING. Perfection in all ways, massaging my spirit with its sound. Brutal Death Metal of today is the best meditation and medication around. By the time we’re 1 minute into this song it’s just like an orgasm of pure chaos. See, I’m amazed by people who can play drums like this. Everything else I can replicate myself, being a musician. Everything but these drums! Also, I would never want to do vocals like these. They sound like you make yourself reverse shit. You poop, out of your mouth! Which is really fucking cool. At 2:23 you’re either gonna say “What the fuck?” in a GOOD WAY, or a bad way and turn this off. I ain’t turning this shit off. No way, bro! More ping. More power. And the more ping power I hear, my penis gets more and more erect and rigid and I feel it become its own entity unto itself and it begins to talk. It tells me that more ping will lead to better things in life. Keep talking, penis. I’m listening.

Hanged, Drawn and Quartered – I’ve gotta hand it to this band because what the fuck, man? The power that is being transferred to me is immense and almost on a Korean Pop Idol level of power transference. Not quite but almost and that’s good enough for me. It’s like being a kid and Michael Jackson tells you he loves you in a romantic voice. You’re absolutely appalled but you’re also like “That’s the guy who sang Thriller!”

So you’re assaulted, but you’re totally flattered. What’s this song about anyway? Sounds like it might be about making love in an open field with your main squeeze. Then a tractor runs you over and pulls you apart as she screams.

Rotten Womb – When I first listened to this I thought the name of the song was “Rotten Worm” and I really got excited about maybe there being a song about a rotting worm. Are there any songs about rotting worms in metal?

Alas… it’s Rotten “WOMB” so I imagine this song is about some old decrepit hag. I don’t know, maybe the sea hag from Popeye. It does kinda sound like someone’s throwing bottles. Remember the Popeye game? The sea hag would throw bottles at you, and you had to punch each one of them. Sometimes you’d get caught up trying to catch the stuff Olive Oyl was throwing at you – which I might add is required to win the game – and that old bitch would throw a bottle or four at your fucking head and you fall down and you lose the god damn game and you have to start over again because there weren’t any fucking continues or checkpoints in 1982.

This song has two distint little breakdowns, one which lasts 2 milliseconds and one that lasts 4 milliseconds. I like when the band does that shit. This music is so perfectly fast that no one besides the most demented people could ever comprehend this as art – and the culmination of 50 years of hard rock and heavy metal evolved into the most perfect state for life on the planet.

Icon of a Headless Whore – A double bass platter of splatter is offered up to you for about one second before PING LAND. This song kind of grooves a little bit. Not too much but it does stop and start in a chug style that reminds me of old metal. Dudes, I’m with you. At 1:05 Cyril pukes. I’m not kidding. Then the pukes are added as backing vocals!

2:00 I believe Ivan is saying hey man, back off. I’m gonna play this fucking riff. You aren’t going to ping over it. Dobro agrees and we have a cool breakdown again.

2:30 and the song just decides to kick ASS and we end up thrashing for a little while before the vomit begins again. Ping. Erection. Vomiting. Rinse, and repeat.